Mrs S. Pankajam has always lived two lives: one of ordinary fulfilment in her experiences as a wife to her husband and a mother to her two daughters, and the other a life of desires and sharp observations that only her mind is privy to.
When Mrs Pankajam starts losing her memory, her doctor recommends she keep a diary to maintain a semblance of continuity in life events. At first, she is reluctant. What is so spectacular about her life that warrants its story being recorded, she wonders. But as she sets pen to paper, meticulously documenting the revelations that her daughters (well past their teens now) continue to subject her to, the discovery of her husband’s eccentricities and her own guilty admissions to indulgences that may have caused his cardiac arrest, she finds her childhood persistently wrestling with the present as a marked reminder of a past she cannot run away from.
The book is in the form of journal entries where Mrs Pankajam is having a matter-of-fact conversation with her reader. She recounts the many roles she imbibes as a loyal wife and devoted mother. She finds humour in her exasperation with her husband or in her helplessness in getting her daughters to see things her way.
Her straight-faced writing gradually evolves into challenging territory as she shares her struggles with the reader in remembering simple things. She has vivid memories of specific events from her childhood but is unable to hold on to what happened a few weeks ago.
Mrs Pankajam’s story, on the surface, is a straightforward tale of a woman clutching at little nuggets of her life that are teetering on the edge of oblivion. And yet she hides a young girl within with dreams and aspirations. One who fails to understand the rigidness of societal rules. She wants to break free of patriarchy but has been wound so tightly in its confines, her age puts the brakes on her zeal.
The book introduces a lot of everyday Tamil words which are explained in the footnotes. But these are not simple definitions, rather a hard punch on how society views women.
medai: Literally, stage. Also, specifically the kitchen counter, for where else can women perform best?
As events progress, the diary entries reveal hints of secrets that have plagued Mrs Pankajam all her life. It asks questions she has been searching answers to for decades. Mrs. Pankajam has moments of lucidity between forgetting key events and just like that the book takes a turn towards a deep, painful mystery.
Even so, the strong-willed Mrs Pankajam is not ready sit back. Using her declining memory to her advantage, she attempts to make sense of an ever-changing world and fights for what she believes is right – for herself and her family.
Meera Rajagopalan’s debut carries you over waves of calm and storm. Her nuanced approach to the subject of mental health with her character’s unapologetic humour and flaws leaves you with bittersweet emotions.
This poignantly humorous tale pushes you to question age-old beliefs and remedy them when still possible. A rare find, this book is nothing short of being a gem of Indian literature, the kind you wish for more to discover and read.
The Eminently Forgettable Life of Mrs Pankajam by Meera Rajagopalan. Published in April 2021 by Hachette India.
Book 24 of 2023.
Aquamarine Flavours Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟.
Available on Amazon*.
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