Reminiscent Love

I learnt long ago that we win some, we lose some, yet, life goes on.  Even then, many, like me, who have experienced a great joy or a heartbreaking tragedy will agree it is easier said than done.

It has been a few months since I came out of a nine-year-old relationship and letting go was probably one of the toughest decisions I had to make. There are days when my heart still weeps and I don’t know how to deal with it.

So, here I am, trying to deal with it the only way I can – by writing.

As far as I remember, everything was fine until the first cracks began to appear at the start of the new year. We hadn’t been spending much time together and I assumed that was the reason. I ignored the cracks. Besides, there were other things keeping me busy, leaving me no time to tend to tantrums. That was Mistake No. 1.

When realisation dawned that I was expecting far more than I was investing in the relationship, I decided to rectify my actions. By then, unfortunately, the cracks had deepened.

Despite the glaring signs to which I refused to pay any attention, I convinced myself that it was nothing more than misbelief. That time would heal what was broken. It wasn’t the end yet, it couldn’t be. We had so much more to share. We had to have more time together. That was Mistake No. 2.

When I told my family, some encouraged me to continue, seeing how hung up I was on this relationship. Others tried to convince me it wasn’t worth it. That I should just snap the link once and for all. But I couldn’t muster the courage to take that last step.

So, I decided to seek professional help. Maybe what we really needed was for someone to clinically analyse and gauge if we were worth fixing. When the report came, it broke my heart. The damage was far too extensive. It was then that I finally gave up. If we were so un-mendable, it was best to break all ties. Had it not been for this report, I doubt I would have gone through it .

On June 9th 2017, I finally sold my beloved Honda Civic that had been my partner for all my travels in and around NCR for the last nine years.

In hindsight I think I should have taken this decision much earlier. It would have saved me from so much heartache. But this being my biggest purchase ever, It wasn’t easy at all.

The day the buyer came to collect it, I was trying to think of something to keep with me as a memory. I would have liked to rip a side-view mirror off since we have some special memories together, but those things alone go for a minimum of Rs.5,500. There was no way I could take that.

Eventually, my gaze fell on the pair of cushions emblazoned with the Honda logo which I don’t ever remember using. They sat snug in the boot, wrapped in original packing, since they day I drove the car out of the showroom.

I reminisced about the times, while driving on a long route, when I would think how nice it would be to have a chauffeur while I sit back against the cushions and enjoy the view of the sky, not having to worry about traffic.

So, moments before the buyer arrived to take delivery of my Civic, I sneaked the cushions out of the car and inside my house.

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Nearly four months later, my gorgeous misty-violet beauty may be gone, but its memories are alive. And as I sit and write this, my hand running over the velvet face of the cushion, fingers skimming over the logo, I close my eyes and remember all the good times we’ve had.

I do carry the hope that we may meet someday on the streets of Delhi, side by side on a traffic signal, and beam in that joyous moment of seeing each other again.

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This post is participating in #MyFriendAlexa because I am taking my Alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter.

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Why Won’t You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. | Book Review

Sorry. This word can be said in many different ways with many different emotions behind it. Barring a few exceptions, however, saying sorry to someone is hard, and putting your pride down in saying that is probably the hardest.

In Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, the renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language: ‘I’m sorry’ – and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken relationships and restoring trust with the proper use of this phrase.

Lerner has been studying apologies for more than two decades. In this book she offers compelling stories and solid theory to demonstrate the transformative power of making amends, and what is required for healing when the damage we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple.

Lerner challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind and helps those who have been injured to resist pressure to forgive too easily. She explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, and why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own their misdeeds. With her trademark humour and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.

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I happened to come across this book on my Instagram feed and was compelled to pick it up after reading the title and tagline.

The most wonderful thing about Why Won’t You Apologize? is that not only does it explain how to apologize like you mean it, but also how to accept an apology from the wrong-doer. An apology can only work if both parties involved in the hurt or betrayal understand the issue without being defensive.

I particularly loved how the author explains what different kinds of apologies imply and why we may feel that despite saying sorry, the person who is hurt is not forgiving.

Why Won’t You Apologize is a must read for those who believe that relationships mean a commitment to understanding each other.

Readers of this book learn how to craft a meaningful apology and avoid signals of insincerity that only deepen suffering.

It does not tell you to be overly generous in your apology or to give in to unreasonable demands. Nor does it ask you to forgive too easily when you are still feeling hurt.

It explains how a wholehearted apology means valuing your relationship and accepting your as well as the other person’s responsibility without any hint of evasion, excuse or blame. It teaches you to lead with your heart, have the courage to apologize and the wisdom to do it meaningfully.

A sincere apology forms the basis of effective leadership, relationships, personal integrity and love. Nothing is more important in life than that.

Title: Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Author: Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
Publisher: Touchstone
ISBN: 978-1-5011-2962-9
Edition/Year: First Edition 2017
Format: Kindle Edition
Genre: Fiction/General
Pages: 209
Source: Personal
Rating: 5 Stars

Available on Amazon.

About the Author: Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is a relationship expert. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades and is currently in private practice. She has written numerous scholarly articles and bestselling books, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger, which has sold several million copies.
She and her husband live in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two grown sons.
Follow Harriet on Twitter and friend her on Facebook. You will find more about her and her work at www.harrietlerner.com.

This post is participating in #MyFriendAlexa because I am taking my Alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter.

UPDATE 25th Oct 2017: This review is now also published on womensweb.in

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Cantilevered Tales by Jayant Kripalani | Book Review

This is not a Builder v. Helpless Citizen epic. In fact that is the least important part of the book. This is about a group of inept people who you want to reach out and protect but you discover are more than capable of taking care of not just themselves, but of you too.

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In the voice of his protagonist, the author decides to answer what was meant to be a rhetorical question, by launching into the history of the Howrah Bridge – the third-longest cantilever bridge at the time of its construction, thereby alarming his mostly quiet co-passenger and colleague of ten years.

From there, he delves into the back story of said colleague, winding his way around to the various other people who form the narrative of the book. Like his slow journey through the bridge traffic, he takes his time to unfold their stories and build them up as the eccentric characters they are meant to be.

He paints each scene with bright shades of tongue-in-cheek humour, paired with the most colourful Bengali phrases that dazzle his prose. I am not familiar with the Bengali language, thus the glossary at the end of the book was most helpful in deriving a full reading experience. It wouldn’t be the story it is, without the originality of the language, which proves its own inherent role.

The pages turn themselves at a foot-tapping pace as the reader gets wound up in the hilarious turn of events created by the seemingly ordinary Chingdi Kaka, Banshi Mama, Ashutosh Babu, The CM, and many more entertaining people.

I also couldn’t help but notice that the book is edited extremely well, absolutely flawless, something that I have rarely seen from Indian publishers. I only recommend that the glossary be more extensive to include other Bengali terms and phrases which are currently missing explanation. It would make a world of difference for readers who do not understand Bengali.

Cantilevered tales is a story about the quirks of ordinary citizens and their response to situations around them, which in turn makes them the people they become. All laid out with generous servings of wit and humour.

What Author Kripalani has created here is a literary masterpiece, as evident from his writing style that spotlights the sociopolitical theme he has chosen. Right from the pond caretaker, to the members of the Bird Witchers (you read that right) Association or the outrageously comic Oleek Babu, every person you come across is endearing.

Cantilevered Tales is clearly my choice for must-read novel of the year and goes right up to the top of my list of favourite books.

Title: Cantilevered Tales
Author: Jayant Kripalani
Publisher: Readomania

ISBN: 978-93-858542-7-9
Edition/Year: First Edition 2017
Format: Paperback
Genre: Fiction
Pages: 250
Source: Personal Copy
Rating: 5 Stars

Available on Amazon.

About the Author: Jayant Kripalani is an Indian film, television and stage actor, writer and director. Known for his performances in television series such as Khandaan, Mr. Ya Mrs. and Ji Mantriji, he graduated from Jadavpur University with a degree in English Literature. He has played character roles in movies like Heat and Dust, Rockford, Jaane Tu. . . Ya Jaane Na, 3 Idiots and, most recently, Hawaizaade and The Hunger.
He had directed and produced a number of films and is actively involved with theatre. He wrote the screenplay for Shyam Benegal’s film Well Done Abba.
He is the author of the heart-warming and nostalgic New Market Tales, set in the historic New Market area of Kolkata in the 1960s and 1970s. His recent foray into writing performance poetry has brought him acclaim in poetic circles around the country.
When he is not in Calcutta, he is either fishing in Himachal, pfaffing in Bombay or being a beach bum in Goa.
To connect with him, find him on Twitter @JayantKripalani.

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Following Rules – Short Story on Readomania

Here is another short story, which was written in the genre of humour/satire, sometime last year. It received a very special mention for the quality of writing and has now been published on the Readomania website.

Following Rules is a humourous take on how we, as a society, tend to complain about issues which, in fact, may have been created by us.

Pratichi considers herself to be a responsible driver who stays within the confines of road and traffic rules. She is also a bit a feminist, and believes women drivers are unnecessarily given a bad name.

So how does she manage when she is running terribly late on one of the most important days of her life? Can she stick to the rules while all the rule breakers zip past her? Or will she succumb to the pressures of traffic.

Find out more by reading the full story at Readomania.com.

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If you have any such crazy traffic experiences to share; they could be yours or someone else’s; tell me, so we can all have a hearty laugh together. 🙂

Image courtesy: Google Images.